The Scarf That Never Mattered

Before our trip last year, I bought a couple of winter items, like a hat and scarf and warm socks. At the Mission House in General Cepeda, people knock on the door asking for help morning to night. They need food for their children, formula, a prescription filled, a ride to the hospital in Saltillo, warm clothes for winter, a blanket, or maybe they’re there to sell a good they’ve made. No matter what they ask for they are guaranteed to leave with at least and at most a prayer. Some come only seeking prayer for an ailment—lifelong backpain, their daughter is sick, an abusive relationship, or any other thing that plague us humans.

Last year I watched an Intake missionary (what we are this year) take off her scarf and give it to a woman who they were talking to.

The woman needed warm clothes for her and her children. They provided them with a few other things they could find and then prayed over them. I told myself that I would give up my new, pretty scarf if I encountered someone in need, but I never met anyone in need of warm clothes on the trip. Giving her scarf was a small gesture but it touched me and played through my mind over and over in the last year.

At the end of trips, all are welcome to leave clothes or other items behind that the missionaries can then give out to those who come to the door in need. We knew this before going and packed clothes we were okay with leaving so we left a huge stack behind. But not my scarf. We were leaving behind our blankets and I wanted the scarf for the plane. I felt guilty for some reason but took it with me anyways.

And I did use it on the plane and wore it many other days after that. In the Spring I messaged a missionary friend from that trip to tell her how silly it was but that I felt bad for being so attached to this scarf that I didn’t let it go. She said maybe I’ll get to give it away one day and it’ll make sense why and be a neat story. Maybe!

I took the scarf back to General Cepeda with me this year. I waited with great anticipation for someone to knock on the door in need of a scarf and for my silly guilt to be healed.

Throughout our month there I never encountered someone in need of a scarf.

What I did (unknowingly) encounter was Christ’s love for me. Right there in the midst of my silly guilt, He was making me new.

The guilt began to fade away the second we arrived in General Cepeda but I didn’t understand why until we were back in Louisiana after the trip.

The scarf never mattered.

It’s easy to misplace feelings, especially when God is trying to make you anew. I wasn’t wrong to realize that I was unnecessarily attached to an object and wanted freedom from that. But what I was really attached to was my life.

I longed deep inside, not to give a scarf away, but to BE the missionary giving it away.

When I replay it in my mind again, I see her taking the scarf off and placing it on the woman, but now I can focus on what else is happening that my heart saw before—the missionary’s smile—her joy. The joy of proclaiming Christ’s love to another. I longed for that… and now I have it. 😊

Do you have a scarf in your life blinding you?

Jesus, remove any object that keeps me from you. Open my heart to your desires for my life. Make me anew so that I may live in your love and proclaim it to others. __________________________________________________________

Alison and Kent McConoughey are Catholic foreign missionaries serving in General Cepeda, Mexico with their son, Jeremiah. Partnered with Family Missions Company, an apostolate of lay Catholic missionaries, we go into the whole world to Proclaim the Gospel and Care for the Poor. Join us on Christ's mission via Instagram or by subscribing to our blog!

Charism: Service

Thursdays are my favorite day of the week.

On Tuesday I begin to get excited that it’s almost Thursday, on Wednesday I’m bursting at the seams, and on Thursday morning I’m jumping out of bed to turn on the coffee and get going. Thursdays are our service day. This past Thursday I was so excited that I didn’t realize until the day of that Thursdays are also pretty awesome because we get to sleep in a little bit, have breakfast/lunch/dinner in household, and have free time in the afternoon which is a prized thing around here.

“They asked only one thing, that we remember the poor, which was actually what I was eager to do.” + Galatians 2:10

Mrs. Glendia

She might be my favorite person here, but don’t tell the other missionaries that. 😊 We visit Mrs. Glendia every Thursday for our service day. Her local priest asked another full-time missionary family here to catechize her in preparation for the Sacraments (Confession, Confirmation, and Holy Communion). They took us to meet her our second week here and in our third, we began teaching her about the faith.  

Her husband is Catholic and kids grew up Catholic, but she bopped between the Baptist church and their Catholic one through the years. I found her story to be beautiful about how she was led to reach out to the priest and all of her hopes for family unity at the same church together. From the outside we have absolutely nothing in common and yet when we visit with her and hear her pains and her life story and teach her more about the Catholic faith, I feel like I’ve always known her. There are many of my own life choices that I can relate to her own- I simply had the privilege of a better-off middle class home and really good education. Those are really the only differences between us.

Every time we’re there she tells a new part of her story past or present that strikes me as crazy and only possible through God that we happened to be the family picked to go catechize her.

Two weeks ago she was ready to start learning but also very upset because her step-son (I'll call Q) had almost committed suicide. He has some serious mental health issues and was not on his meds. By law he was instituted for 5 days. We had hoped he could stay the full 15, but he was at the house when we came to visit the next week and sadly he doesn’t have insurance yet and cannot afford the medicine he needs to help his mind. He’s a sweet young man and very quiet. We pray and sacrifice for them often.

With him there last week, we taught about the Holy Spirit and the many gifts we receive in Baptism and the fruits we may have throughout our Christian lives. At the end I asked what gifts Mrs. Glendia would like us to pray over them for and she asked for patience and joy for herself, wisdom and joy for her husband (Mr. George suffered a stroke a while back and joins us when he can), and understanding for Q. After the prayer Q began to speak for the first time since we got there and was full of questions about the Bible and God. We asked the Holy Spirit to give Q understanding and there he was immediately asking questions trying to understand God more. Beautiful!

Today we found out that the priest would like Mrs. Glendia to be confirmed into the Catholic Church before we leave for home in December so we can be there and I just can’t explain how happy that makes me feel.

We also learned that we don’t have as many Thursdays left as service days as we had originally thought so, I’m going to teach her on other random days in the next couple weeks, while the guys are there building new stairs to the back house/efficiency that Q lives in. Service is a major charism of Family Missions Company as we should all have servant’s hearts and be proactive in seeking service opportunities with each other on our teams and, of course, in the communities which we will belong to.

“Even the Son of Man did not come to be served but to serve…” + Mark 10:45

Lord Jesus, please send your Holy Spirit to Mrs. Glendia’s family to give them peace, joy, and understanding in their lives. Help Q to obtain the medicine that he needs and send someone with a missionary heart to love and serve them after we’re gone. Please bless this family as they strive to become unified in loving You.

What We’re Reading: Fall 2017

I’ve always been the type of reader that goes through cycles of feast or famine- I’ll churn through a book a week for a few months and then not pick up one for the next few months. After the Thanksgiving mission trip we went on, I was definitely in a feast period. I read FMC’s founders books “Go! You Are Sent” and “Our Family's Book of Acts” then on to “Kisses from Katie” and a really good one about Mother Theresa and at least 2 others from December-January.

In January we went to a Thursday night Bible Study that some friends hosted and I watched women talk about books they were reading and pass them on to each other. I decided then that I wanted to start a book club, never mind that I had never actually been to a book club before. Lol Sometimes you just have to dive in!

Our Washed With the Word (W3) book club kept my reading on track and was a huge blessing to have faith filled women over 1 Sunday afternoon each month! In honor of W3 I’m going to try my best to keep up my reading and I’ll share that with y’all here in addition to what we’re studying in formation.

Studies

Hebrews

My women’s Bible study group is reading Hebrews together on Tuesday nights. I finished reading the New Testament this year (yep, I’d never read it all before!) so it’s nice to have it fresh in my mind and to hear other’s perspectives.

Acts of the Apostles

Every Monday and Wednesday we meet with a small group to study Acts. Kent and I read this together in January so it’s also very fresh in our minds. Jonathan Kiehl teaches it and we love that on Mondays he pulls out PowerPoint and goes more into historical references and comparisons to the Gospels.

Mission of the Redeemer

Another great one I read prior to coming but it’s nice reading with everyone and hearing different reflections on it. Funny the difference in what I highlight a second time around. 😊

Vatican II Missionary Activity Documents

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Personal Reading

The Gospel of Life (Evangelium Vitae) by Saint Pope John Paul II

Who Does He Say You Are? by Colleen C. Mitchell

The Great Divorce by C.S. Lewis The Gospels

This past Sunday we were excited to meetup with some Charleston friends in Baton Rouge, LA and attended mass at the LSU campus church. The priest there blew us away. He was maybe 35 years old and had a terrific homily. He quoted parts of I Believe in Love: A Personal Retreat Based on the Teaching of St. Therese of Lisieux and Kent and I are both eager to read the book! Additionally we heard a talk about Fatima on Saturday and the woman mentioned Fatima in Lucia's Own Words. I'd love to learn more about Fatima!

Who Does He Say You Are?

I recently finished reading “Who Does He Say You Are?” by Colleen C. Mitchell. I started reading the book many months ago but put it down right before the chapter on Martha and Mary of Bethany. I rarely agree with people’s interpretations of them and decided to quit the book before being disappointed. Well, thank you Holy Spirit and my wrong judgement because I picked the book up again this week and finished it with great love for every page. It would not have had as great of an effect on me had I finished it before this very week. I have said many times on this journey that the Holy Spirit has worked hard on me through the different books I’ve read in this last year. Some I pick up and then put down only to finish it later at just the right timing.

I highly recommend this book to all women.

Colleen goes through different women of the Gospels and analyzes Jesus’ relationship with them and relates it back to us through her own personal stories. It’s a wonderful book. The morning after I finished it I was eager to tell Brooke Summers about it (Co-Director of FMC) because I was sure she would like it and imagine my surprise when she told me that the author, Colleen Mitchell, used to be an FMC missionary! Very neat.

I want to leave you with these excerpts on Mary Magdelene that made my heart sing. I have long had a great love for and connection to Mary Magdalene. I don’t know why but there’s something I find so powerful about her love for her teacher and I like to think of her whenever I’m having a harder time in my relationship with Jesus. When I think of her love and admiration for him, it’s hard to not have those feelings spill over to myself.

“Mary Magdalene bears the Good News to the Good News bearers. She is the first to know resurrection joy and the first to share it. […] We can feel the joy of his presence and recognize the sound of his voice, and whether or not we delve into the deepest theological mysteries, we know how to obey him. This is the call of an apostle of the heart. […] You proclaim just what he has asked you to proclaim, and you do it with great joy, because you know well what you have seen and heard. You know this Jesus, your “Rabbouni,” and there is no doubt that you “have seen the Lord.” […] Each step we take into deeper, more intimate friendship with Jesus leads us to a fuller knowledge of the joy that is ours in him. And each increase in joy overflows into a command to go out and proclaim the Good News. The world was changed because one woman did just that. Imagine what might happen if all of us followed in the footsteps of Mary Magdelene, charging out into the world as apostles of resurrection joy, proclaiming that we have seen the Lord.”

WOW! Oh how refreshing to read someone write something about Mary Magdalene that so beautifully expresses the love I feel for her and her joy.

I too have found that joy in Him.

Rabbouni, Lover of my Soul, friend, I am a new creation in you. Help me to always recognize your voice when you call my name. Fill my heart with such joy so that I must respond by proclaiming the Good News to all.

 

The Temptation to Diminish

There is a great temptation I feel—to not admit to my happiness, to self-deprecate, to not shout praise in how much I love our little (short-term) home, to not freely admit how good it feels to be here, to hold back my smile a little, to pretend I’m not bursting with joy.

I don’t want to do that anymore though.

So I’m going to lay it out in all of its complete truthfulness – I will miss home, Charleston, forever. I will never not want to cry when I think about the sadness I caused my mom. I will always wish I could make it not hurt for her. I will have massive moments of home sickness. I will even miss my job and “normal” life schedule at times. I will miss many things and my love for the things, places, and people I left is no less because of my decision to leave in following God’s call.

But.

I am full of joy. I am not just fine. I am GOOD. I am GREAT. I will have so many hard days in front of me and probably many hours and days that I’ll wish I could just crawl back home and take it all back. Or at least that thought may come to mind once or twice. Haha. But right now, I’m happy. I have a happiness and contentment I’m not sure I’ve ever felt.

There’s a very strong part of me that has felt awful to say that out loud. I’m so scared that it will hurt someone’s feelings as if my joy means I miss them any less. It doesn’t.

When you ask, I’m going to say it. When I write blog posts about what’s going on here, I’m not going to hold back. When I look in the mirror, I’m not going to think less of myself anymore.

I am happy.

I have for so long felt a discontent about many things in my life and have never been able to find an answer to fix the discontent or been able to be content despite many prayers and laments to God to help me just be and be happy.

When we went to General Cepeda, Mexico last year Kent and I were walking down the sidewalk one day and I just looked at him and said, “I’m so happy here. A happiness I’ve never known!” And he felt the same way. But I went home and I let fear and GUILT for that feeling take ahold of me and almost choke the life right out of me and our marriage.

Thank you, Lover of My Soul, for not giving up on me. For continuing to call me and push me and love me until I had the courage to say YES.

We went to Haiti this past July in part to see the Davis family, in part to have a new experience in a harder mission post to test us, and in part to test out whether the happiness we felt was that particular mission trip in Mexico (2 hour siestas everyday can definitely make anyone happy for a little while) or if just maybe the happiness we found was in being at the center of His will for us, even if that wasn’t how we had planned our lives and where we had hoped our happiness be.

My happiness is in Him. My happiness is in the freedom that comes with being directly in the center of His will. My happiness is in His presence, in His love, and in saying YES to His call. No matter the price, no matter the hardship, no matter the unnecessary self-imposed guilt, no matter the sacrifice that comes in leaving my friends, my parents, my job, and my home- these all add up to nothing compared to His sacrifice and love for me.

I’m walking away from my guilt. In fact, I think I’ve probably done a great disservice by expressing any guilt. How can anyone back home find peace and be happy for me if I’m too scared to even admit my happiness? It helps no one for me to walk shrunken like I’m not worthy to be happy.

So here I am. You know the funny thing about extreme happiness is that it can bring you to tears as easily as sadness. I have had many happy tears. Not because I left home or because I don’t have to work a “job” right now or because I love anyone less, but simply because I followed His will.

I hope you will pray with me that this happiness may stay with me and with Kent and with Jeremiah. That in the hard times we always remember where our happiness lies. That the joy of following Him will burst out of us as we go to proclaim Him wherever He leads us.

By His Wounds Ours Are Healed

In these first couple weeks of training we have been emotionally, mentally, and physically exhausted.

Sometimes one at a time and sometimes all at once. We have been challenged in every aspect of our faith- how we live it, what we believe, how we pray, when we pray, what we pray, what we’re here for, how we accept God’s love, etc. It is a good and holy-challenged feeling.

We started off with a Healing Retreat. What do we need healing for in the first week? Well apparently, our whole life. Sounds kind of absurd and it seemed strange to be the first thing we’d do, but how quickly we learned the need for healing in our lives (for big and small things; past, present, and future).

I think there is a huge misconception amongst friends, family, and those we meet that we and other missionaries must have some crazy awesome relationship with God to have said yes to this. That we’ve figured it all out, we never miss a chance to pray or go to mass, and we’d go to the ends of the earth for Him if he’d ask. While the last thing in there is true, the preceding ones are not always as much.

In life I have learned to have a great hope in and yearning for God’s love as well as obedience to doing what He asks of me. My love and obedience has allowed me the courage to say yes to foreign missions. But we all get here differently and not always with rocking great prayer lives. Some of us (ahem, all of us) have views of our Father’s love that need to be challenged and revisited. Our views on what love is or isn’t are created young- primarily by our parents (their relationship to us and their relationship with each other), but it also includes friends and other family members. Our views on love are constantly changing. Thank God because many of us don’t start out with a perfectly well-rounded view of it! Probably most of us don’t. Your parents might be near-Saints but child rearing is hard, life is messy, and we rarely get out without a few wounds that need to be addressed.

I’m thankful FMC (Family Missions Company) has recognized that and taken the time to address this in the very first week.

As such the first week was a bit more relaxed in the evenings than future weeks will be. We had a Cajun Night (Cajun band and alligator dinner!), Splash Day at a local park, and a Pool Party at one of the local Board of Director’s homes, which I will share pictures and video of. It’s easy to take pictures of all the fun stuff so I hope you all understand that there were many hours in talks, prayer, and small group that week that I’m definitely not taking a camera into! 😊 The amount of emotional work we put in that first week was enough to make you beg for a naptime and we were all very thankful to have fun nighttime events to look forward to.

We certainly didn’t come to Intake expecting to deal with some of these things, nevertheless in the first few days, but WOW how amazing it was.

In recognizing and working through our individual woundedness, coming to grips with Jesus’ great love for us – his delight in us – and working on creating better prayer habits, we are able to more freely move forward with the rest of our missionary training in His presence and by His grace.

You're a Good Good Father

When we arrived in Mexico in November 2016 we were greeted by Beaux, an eager new missionary who had been on bed rest for the last couple weeks and was excited to have new people to talk to. We, on the other hand, had just spent ~20 hours traveling, had been shown our rooms in a pueblo that's older than the US (which is awesome), were told all the rules, and then were ushered to a late night PB&J dinner. We were like deer in headlights with all the new info and sights and were less than equipped to handle Beaux's enthusiasm at that hour. Beaux told us a number of stories but the one that really stood out was how just before leaving for Mexico from Intake 2016 (the 3 month training in Louisiana that we're about to go to), he walked around the rental van and was bitten by a baby copperhead TWICE. And you know what he did?

This crazy man yelled, "Praise God!" TWICE in reaction to it!

I made up my mind in that moment that I wanted to avoid Beaux for the rest of the trip and probably never talk to him again after. And now I can hardly type that sentence without it cracking me up! We all had a good laugh about it in Haiti... Beaux and Alix Davis are our friends in Haiti who we just had the joy of visiting on a mission trip. Thankfully, we were put on their team while in Mexico and we were able to spend much more time around Beaux (and Alix and their sweet kiddos) after the shock of the first night passed. We now know that he's definitely crazy but only in the best way possible- crazy for Christ.

I've thought a lot about that night as my own faith has been challenged this past year. Could I ever get the point of praising God (and honestly mean it) after being bitten by a snake? 

Last week Jeremiah and some neighborhood kids were over running around as we worked to clean out rooms. The house was a mess and the game of tag was less than ideal right then. Jeremiah's leg met the sharp end of a piece of metal sticking out of a chair (which we had no idea was there). I definitely did not yell, "Praise God!" I yelled, "Everyone out of my house now!" LOL Jeremiah is incredibly strong and didn't cry a single tear except for one during the Novocaine shot. On the way to the doctors office we prayed for a quick wait time and for a good doctor. We had years ago not liked the doctor there and rarely ever went there because of it.

Praise God.

The doctor asked questions about how he got the cut and we explained the mess from moving and that lead to questions about where we're going. The doctor replied, "Oh well I was raised by Jesuit priests! I grew up at a boarding school." 

I can't make this stuff up. Only a Good Good Father can.

The doctor had traveled to all the locations we might end up at and told us his highlights about each of them. Then he had Kent hold Jeremiah's leg and showed Kent how to do stitches and how to remove them "in case we end up on a mountain top in Peru and have to use a needle." I sure hope I don't! But Praise God that we now have more knowledge to handle it than we ever would have had this not happened!

God, help me to praise you in every storm for the good good Father that You are. You are a caring Father working all things for the good of those who love You. Help me to trust in your plans, even when I don't understand them. Amen.